Tomorrow I start orientation for my new job, and it dawned on me that this’ll be the first time in my life that I will be alone somewhere new without an omnipresent other person. I am nothing short of terrified. I’ve always been an anxious person even with someone to act as support so the fact I’ll be alone scares me even more. I haven’t had to make a friend that didn’t (a) work with me or (b) grow up with me in probably, ever.  I’d like to think I’m a friendly enough person that I’ll do fine, but that at the same time what if no one likes me?

I keep having a recurring image of the scene from Carrie where she keeps repeating: “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” because I’m kind of convinced they might. Or even worse I won’t have anyone to eat lunch with and I’ll be the weird girl who eats lunch by herself. Add to the fact, I’m terrible at”small talk” and social ice breakers are the bain of my existence. Is it possible to die from a panic attack?