My biological clock has never ticked rather it has rung loudly with flashing lights and sirens. I’ve had baby fever since the first drop of blood at 12 I’ve longed for children my womb may never hold. Then there is the creeping thought that lives in the back of my head that if I bare children will they come out disabled like me. And the burden of a disability is one I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. 
Medically my diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy isn’t hereditary as the condition is often caused by complications at birth. Yet I still fear somehow I’ll birth a child that  along with a plecenta it will be born into a wheelchair. 

When my niece and nephew (pictured above now 3 and a half) were born I was scared that one of the twins would somehow have some kind of disability. I recall asking my older brother what he would do if one of his babies turned out different. His response was to love them as he loved me. Thankfully my worries were for naught as both twins are beautiful funny people. 

Although I’m fine playing the role of “cool auntie ” my baby fever gets worse as more and more of my classmates and peers have children.  Seeing their social medias full of cherubic little faces makes me kinda sad. The “equipment ” so to speak but it’s the process itself that causes issue. So much love in a body unwilling to share.